To Have But Not to Hold? Waiting Until the Wedding Night

Once upon a time there was the idea that nice young ladies waited until their wedding nights to be intimate with their husbands. Never mind that plenty of those brides were already “in a family way” by the time they got to the altar, that was what everyone subscribed to publicly. Times have certainly changed, but in recent years there has been a backlash against society’s more casual attitude towards sex, and that has included a renewed interest in making the wedding night special by waiting for it – even among couples who have been living together for years. Read more about the trend of a maintaining a period of abstinence before the wedding night as well as the trend about couples saving everything for their first night as husband and wife.

A few years ago, I read about the “revirginization” trend in the Sunday New York Times. The general concept is that a few weeks or even a few months before their wedding, engaged couples stop having intimate relations so that their wedding night will be like the first time. It’s a bit like closing the barn door after the horse is out, but nonetheless the trend has caught on among some groups. It allows couples, even those who already share a home, to feel more traditional for their weddings.

Weddings, after all, are a time when even the most modern woman tends to feel more sentimental. This is why even as trends come and go in the fashion world, classics like lace and pearl bridal jewelry remain in style for brides year after year. Some brides will even wear the same wedding gown or pearl bridal jewelry as their mothers did, so perhaps it should not be so surprising that they are hoping to make their wedding nights as special as they imagine they were for brides a generation or two ago.

In addition to couples who decide to abstain from intimacy in the weeks leading up to their wedding, there are now couples who genuinely save themselves for marriage, in every possible way. Certainly this is nothing new, but it has been brought into the public eye by shows like “19 Kids and Counting”, which chronicles the lives of the very large and very religious Duggar family, proponents of the ultra-conservative Quiverfull movement. When their eldest son Josh was married last year, one of the central features of the wedding was that he and his bride-to-be Anna saved their first kiss for the end of their wedding ceremony. While not too many passionate young couples are likely to limit their affection to chaste hugs for their entire courtship, anytime an idea is featured on a television show, it gains some currency in the culture at large. The “Virgin Lips” movement, as it is sometimes called, has more adherents than one might think.

In the end, the decision to wait a little, wait a lot, or become a temporary born-again virgin for two weeks to make the honeymoon more thrilling are highly personal decisions which every couple must make for themselves. Brides and grooms-to-be should do their best to follow their hearts rather than trends, whether permissive or restrictive. When a couple can decide together on the best path for their intimate relationship, it will surely help them to start out their marriage on the right foot, whatever they decide.

Wedding Sex – Virgin Or Not, It’s a Sacred Event

Question from Bride: “My husband is a virgin but I am not. I feel guilty that he saved himself for marriage. How can I make our wedding sex special when I’ve already had sex before with other men?”
Wedding sex is on a whole new level. Traditionally, people were supposed to wait until marriage, but it’s more of a rarity among couples today.

If you’re a religious couple, chances are higher that you’ve saved yourself for an amazing night of wedding sex.

But it’s more than just sex, regardless of whether or not you’ve been romantically entangled with someone previously. Wedding sex is the first moment the two of you will give yourselves to one another as husband and wife.

Even if you’ve already had intercourse with one another, wedding sex will be memorable and romantic and special because you’ve just joined your hearts in a celebration of commitment forever.
If you’re a virgin bride, you may have a lot of anxiety about wedding sex. That’s normal and your groom will probably understand if you’re open about your fears. The key is to make it an intimate moment. Read some guides that deal with intimacy, not just the act of sex itself.

Make sure you take your time and don’t rush your intimate moments that night. Wear something special for your wedding sex – lingerie fit for a beautiful bride. Linger in your first moments as husband and wife. And most of all – enjoy yourself!

Some couples even find wedding sex is out of the question after several days filled with high-stress, long hours and partying. That’s okay, too. No one said you MUST have sex on your wedding night. You want it to be special, so save it for when you’re full of energy if you want to!

You may even want to have a ceremony before the intimacy takes place (especially if you’re worried about not being a virgin bride). You can write vows only your husband will hear about devoting your body to him and he to you – anything romantic will do the job.

The Wedding Night Dilemma

Marilyn knew she wanted a divorce the same day she got married. The church wedding was beautiful, as was the reception at the country club. The courtship had been exciting and romantic, yet she knew in her gut that something was wrong. This did not subdue her excitement about becoming Mrs. Roger Tillman, Jr.

During a brief break up between she and Roger because she wouldn’t have sex with him, she had a one night fling with a guy at the singles club where she and her girlfriends hung out. Other than that one incident and the feeling in her gut, there was nothing to prepare her for what happened on her wedding night.

The one night encounter had meant very little to her, mainly because it was to get back at Roger, and it being her first time, she experienced some pain. Roger had returned back to her life shortly after the one night stand, and convinced her that marriage was their only solution.

A quick wedding was planned and the invitations were sent out.

Roger took care of all the honeymoon details. They would fly to Los Angles, with a one night layover and leave the next day for Hawaii. This one night layover, proved to be Marilyn’s savior.

Roger was his usual sweet self at the wedding and reception. Even at the airport he was attentive and warm. It was much later that evening after the long flight across country that Marilyn saw a side of her new husband which she never knew existed.

The wedding night started off like most newly weds. Both were tired from the long day, both were anxious to experience each other. Roger went to the bathroom to change into something comfortable, first. When he came out of the dressing room area, he was wearing a leather jump suit with holes in it. He had a whip, hand cuffs, and chains hanging down from his waist area.

He then begin trying to explain to Marilyn, that this was what married couples do!

Marilyn was ready to call her Momma.

She remained quite long enough to realize that Roger thought her to be a virgin and he had ever intension of sexually enslaving his new wife. When Marilyn tried to object, without letting him know, that she wasn’t exactly a virgin, Roger became angry.

Marilyn than decided to go alone with the program and escape from the room as soon as she could.

After going into the restroom and putting her street clothes back on, she put her robe on top, and brushed her hair. She had been given cash at the wedding reception, and stuffed the cash into her bra, as she thought about how to get out of the room.

Slowly Marilyn opened the door, to see the man she had married in a leather get-up with chains hanging from his waist. Walking to him, slowly, Marilyn looking him straight in the eyes, and asked him to get some ice, so she could have a drink to help her perform better.

Roger’s eyes got big and he said, “Baby, I don’t have my cloths on, why don’t you get the ice, and I’ll get the drinks out of the mini-bar.”

As Marilyn walked slowly to the door, she turned and said, “I’ll be right back.” Once out of the room, she ran to the elevator and headed to the lobby. Once in the lobby, she ask the bellman to get her a cab. By the time the cab pulled up, she could hear Roger calling her name, as the cab pulled away from the curb.


“Yes, madam.” replied the cab driver as he speed up, as if he was in a car chase.

Once at the airport Marilyn contacted her mother, who immediately called the airlines and paid for the plane ticket back home. She told Marilyn to stay in the VIP Lounge in case Roger followed her to the airport.

Marilyn did as her mother instructed. And as she sat at the bar, trying to act like a grown up, instead of a frighten child of 22 years, questions begin to formulate within her mind. Why hadn’t she known this about Roger? Why hadn’t she insisted on sleeping with him before marring him? She silently became angry at the church. She had followed the teachings of her church as far as Roger was concerned, yet she felt betrayed. Roger’s family were members of the same church.

Marilyn’s plane trip back to the East coast was a long trip home. She cried softly in her seat as she tried to convince the airline attendant, that she was ok.

Marilyn’s mother picked her up at the airport and convinced her not to explain “all” the details of the previous night to her father. Marilyn’s mother said over and over again, that there were several reasons for this decision. First, she didn’t want to explain to the church members what had actually happened. And secondly, neither Marilyn nor her mother wanted to see Marilyn’s father in prison for assault. Marilyn knew if her father knew the truth, he would seriously hurt Roger. She also realized this would cause a family feud between the two families and possibly within the church.

But regardless of what Marilyn told her father, her heart knew the truth, and she openly wondered, if she would ever have the courage to love again.